I sat at her feet again this week.
You guys, she’s ninety-eight now. Unbelievable, this woman who has been my “mentor mother” all these years. I got a call from her son earlier in the month asking me if I’d come, but I just hadn’t made the time. You know… kids, schedules, work, life. She has good and bad days now, but all signs clearly point to the fact that heaven is near.
She couldn’t remember names of dear friends one minute, but a moment later she was breaking down the Twenty-third Psalm in so much detail that her words sounded like they came straight out of a Bible commentary. I could almost physically see it – it was as if God was opening her mind at that very moment, gracing her with understanding, comfort, and confidence as she looked at death square in the face.
I asked her if she knew that Thanksgiving was coming, and she said yes.
Bound to her recliner other than assisted trips to relieve herself, there would be no celebration for her this year. I quickly offered a personal delivery of mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, rolls and everything else I could think of that might go down easily, but before I could finish, she cut me off and said the most profound thing of the night:
“It’s not food that I crave, Whitney. It’s people.”
{Sigh}.
Most of the people in your life won’t have the guts to tell you straight up, but when you’re ninety-eight, you let go of some of your previous filters and go ahead and say it like it is.
People matter more, and we’re seriously messing it up.
She’s told me a million times before and every time I brushed it off, chalking it up to generational differences. But this time her final days demanded my attention, and I let each heavy word soak in deeper than before…
People today don’t visit with each other anymore.
They’re always in a hurry. Overcommitted.
They’re consumed with themselves and the next best thing.
They’re easily distracted. Rarely satisfied.
People matter more, and they often get our worst. From big picture tragedy that floods our newsfeeds, down to the words thrown around carelessly within the walls of our very own homes, we’ve forgotten how to look beyond ourselves and love people generously.
Are you gathering for Thanksgiving this week?
Trust me when I say that no one cares nearly as much as you do about thickened gravy or lumpy potatoes.
They’re not looking at your fingerprinted walls or the stains on your carpet.
They aren’t obsessed with that ten pounds you gained or whether or not your entire family shows up in brand new color coordinated outfits.
They didn’t come to focus on your landscaping, the square footage of your house, your mismatched silverware, and they probably won’t remember your well thought out centerpieces a week from now.
But they’ll remember how you treated them.
It took spending time with the dying this week to be reminded that I have a whole lot of living to do.
So this Thanksgiving, I’m putting away my smart phone.
I’m simplifying my menu and I’m allowing others to pitch in.
I’m scrapping my plans for dreamy Pinterest-inspired décor to make way for my kids’ homemade creations made out of faded construction paper.
Instead of obsessing over a perfectly put-together house, I’ll shove a few cluttered piles in closets beforehand and will wait to deep clean until after my guests are gone.
I won’t freak out if the turkey is dry, if someone spills cranberry sauce on my cream-colored placemats or if my kids track mud through my living room after a rowdy game of backyard football. As a matter of fact, I’m already telling myself that these things are most likely going to happen.
Instead, by God’s grace, I’ll be patient. I’ll sit. I’ll listen. And I’ll behave as if people matter more.
Because we’ll be together. We’ll be making memories. We’ll be loving. And we’ll be living.
Because we’re never guaranteed tomorrow, I’d rather them see Jesus in me…
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ~ Matthew 22:36-40
At His feet,
*LET’S TALK: How might you need to alter your plans in order to love people well this holiday season?
Whitney,
Thank you so much for sharing this blog post! I often get caught up in the “cute” pinterest stuff and worry about what others will think of me. This was a great reminder to just be there in the moment. It is often through older loved ones that we gain the most wisdom from. God calls us to love others and be patient with them. This season I plan to worry less, and love on others more.
Brittney, thank you for your comment. May we all strive for the worry less – love more attitude.
Blessings,
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
“People today don’t visit with each other anymore.
They’re always in a hurry. Overcommitted.
They’re consumed with themselves and the next best thing.
They’re easily distracted. Rarely satisfied.”
Oh how right you are!!!! My mom just reminded me of this yesterday. She is pretty much confined to a chair at almost 70 years old. No one visits her. She’s always been such a good friend to so many and now no one has time. It is heartbreaking. We MUST take time, get over our selfishness, and invest in others talking and sharing and listening.
Thank you for sharing this.
I will pray for,your sweet friend. Please keep us all updated on her!!
His
Shari
Shari, Moms are so wise; yet, sometimes it seems to “hit” us so much more when we hear it from someone else. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
.oh.my.goodness.Whitney!
Praise God!
I immediately shared this on my timeline on FB!
God has given you some remarkable writing skills! Beeeeeutiful!
People matter.
I thought as you were saying that we don’t visit anymore because we are too busy…that is just what satan would want. When we visit with people, there are more opportunities to witness about, testify to and glorify The Lord! When we get swallowed up in the fleshly things of this world, we suffocate possible opportunities of being a stepping stone in someone’s walk of faith.
God bless you and your family! I know you have blessed me!
Debbie G.
Debbie, thank you for sharing on FB and leaving a comment here. You are so right that our busy lives are the perfect way for Satan to discourage us and distract us from our real purpose.
Blessings,
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Putting away technology most definitely and not watching everyone’s thanksgiving on Facebook.
This is so true. I will try to encourage the younger people in the family to put their phones away and to stop texting and using social media so that they can concentrate on those are in the room with them, some who have traveled many miles. Young people have so much to learn from their elders, if they only gave them a chance.
Debbie & Monica – these are great ideas. I have to challenge myself to focus on real-time relationships especially during these special days.
Blessings to you!
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Whitney, thank you so much for sharing this. My Mama went home to be with our loving Lord last year and my Daddy went home to be with our loving Lord on Easter Sunday 1998. I miss them so much and would love to have another Thanksgiving or anytime at all with them. They knew they were loved and cherished. And, we knew they loved and cherished our family. Praise God for all His blessings. We are truly blessed. Happy Thanksgiving!
Melissa, Praying for you as you go through these holidays and remember the love that you have had.
Blessings!
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Thanksgiving Day one year ago: my mom was slowly dying, due to Parkinsons Disease and related dementia. That day my brother arrived from out of state. She was able to give his hand a barely perceptible squeeze, letting him know she heard his voice. That was the last time she made any response. She was ushered into heaven 3 days later. On Thanksgiving, the family ate a Thanksgiving dinner purchased from a local supermarket, in shifts, so that someone was always at Mom’s side. She loved God Greatly all her life, and demonstrated that Love to everyone she met, all over the world, regardless of race, status, health, or other worldly considerations. And last Thanksgiving is the most precious, sacred Thanksgiving I have ever experienced. His love endures forever.
Kim, Thank you for sharing the beautiful testimony of your Mom and God’s grace in giving her peace in her passing. Blessings to you as this Thanksgiving is celebrated with your memory of her life lived for our Savior.
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Excellent reminder, Whitney. Thanks for posting this. Your grandmother is a very wise woman.
Colleen, Aren’t we blessed to be recipients of this wisdom too? Praying your holiday is full of joy and time spent with special people too.
Blessings,
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
baie dankie vir hierdie wonderlike stukkie getuienis – dit laat my ook dink.
Altyd besig besig besig en die dag waneer jy besluit om nie besig te wees nie – is dit te laat – GOD BLESS
Thank you Eldorette! Blessings!
Oh Whitney. You are amazing. I too shared your post immediately on FB. If just one person reads my shared post and takes into consideration your words, then I’ve done some good in the world.
I’m not hosting this year…and my husband and I are only preparing a few dishes. I don’t expect to be stressed or worn out tomorrow – I’m looking forward to a day filled with love and gratitude (and good eats!).
Thank you for this though, it is a great reminder for any day of the week that we need to slow down and really *be* with the people we love. No worries on the stuff that surrounds us…just to spend time with one another before that time is gone and we regret what we missed out on.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Casie, You are exactly right that this attitude must prevail on days other than Thanksgiving. Thank you for sharing on FB and commenting here. You bless our hearts.
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Oh Whitney. This is so very true. 3 years ago my Mom went home to be with JESUS & since then life has changed so much. She was the Glue that kept this family together. Now she is gone & everyone is going about there own lives. This thanksgiving it’s just me & my husband that’s just a new season I need to embrace & it’s been challenging. But with God we can do this. So to those who have families around & still do get together God Bless you & keep it together I’ve tried. Have a Blessed Thanksgiving. I am thankful for God, my husband & memories. Hugs
Carol, You have the right spirit about embracing the next season of life, but it is oh so hard sometimes. Praying for you as you enjoy the day with Hubby.
Blessings,
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Thank you for this beautiful reminder that we need to be more like Mary and less like Martha. I am definitely going to put more emphasis on my family and friends and focus less on the “stuff” that needs to be done.
I am so enjoying the Love God Greatly blogs and Bible studies. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and God bless!
Sara, I love your commitment to be different than in the past. How difficult it is to break the pattern of accomplishment rather than relationship! Thank you for your kind words. God bless you, too!
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
Whitney, this stopped me in my tracks! You’re so right. The house, the food…it doesn’t matter. It’s the fellowship, the memory-making moments we share with those we love most in the world. I pray God help me be a witness of Christ’s love and compassion for people; my people, my family. If I can’t show them Jesus, how will I be able to show the world beyond my door?
Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh, Dina – you are so right! How do we expect to minister to others when our family relationships aren’t being nurtured? Thank you for sharing,
Amy A (LGG Encourager)
I’m right there with you, Whitney. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. My good friend of 17 years died of cancer last week. Today was her funeral. This whole week I’ve regretted not making more time for our friendship. Even this past year, as she’s been battling with cancer, there were a few times when I brought over food for her family and she was actually at the door and welcoming me in (most of the time she was sleeping). She asked if I would stay for a coffee, but I always said no, because I felt I shouldn’t disturb her and leave her and her family to enjoy the rare moments of strength she had. We always said that we’d have coffee when all this was behind her. Well, that time never came and I regret that I didn’t stay a few times, just to have half an hour with her before her death. Of course, no one knew she would die. But still, it taught me how precious our relationships are and how much more important they are than anything else in life.
Thirza,
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, please give yourself grace. The beautiful thing – God spoke and showed you how precious our relationships are and not to wait for another day but to be there in the moment with each one.
Blessings,
Martha
I have an older sister who is very much like Martha in the Bible. She knew how to put things together, and add just the right touches. Her house was immaculate. I envied her, because, try as I might, I just seemed to fall short of what I thought was perfection. Perfection was very important to me. I had this idea that if I was “perfect”, that I would be accepted better, liked more, and have a closer relationship with others because, they would see how hard I had tried to make things “perfect” for them. Then after I started developing a relationship with Jesus, I found out I had already achieved “Perfection” through HIS “RIGHTEOUSNESS”. It did not matter about all those things I was trying to copy from other people’s lives. That could never make me, or what I did perfect. God HIMSELF is what made me perfect.
When I was a child, my mother had put this idea in my head that I was perfect. She meant no harm. It was her way of saying that she loved me. To her, I was perfect. I was her child. I said my oldest sister was like Martha. My mother said her choice of a name for me would have been Mary. Because, I would rather sit and listen rather then be up and about doing something, (unless it was playing, of course). I didn’t get it till I meet Jesus. And I accepted myself as who, and what God had made me. And realized that because He made me, I was perfect. Perfect in His eyes. Nothing I could say, or do could, would change that. I stopped being the “Martha” because that is not who I was meant to be. I am the one who wants to sit and talk. There is nothing wrong with being a Martha. But, sometimes we need to let the Mary part of us come out and play. Sitting and enjoying each other is the best way to love God our Father.
Patricia,
Thank you for sharing. I’m true to my namesake (Martha) but over the years I’ve embraced my (Mary) and learned to relax and be in the moment. I use to have all these lists of things to do running through my head and I was not enjoying the precious moments visiting friends, watching my son play ball, dinners with family. I’m so thankful for God, my Father for showing me it’s okay to lay my lists down, do the dishes later and enjoy spending time with my loved ones.
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Hi Patricia! I need to tell you that loved your text, it’s inspiring ! Thanks for sharing these feelings! I also had a “click” in my life… after my grandma passed away I never asked for a Christmas present again, because Christmas lost the significance for me. It is great to know that are still some people in the world who can notice how important is “people matter” and the richness of sharing moments and experiences with people we love.
Thank you once again!
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*WHITNEYD (I’m SO sorry 🙂 )
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